The authenticity paradox: why being real online requires strategic curation

We’re told to “be authentic” online while simultaneously being rewarded for carefully curated content. This tension isn’t just annoying - it’s destroying our ability to build genuine connections. Here are my thoughts on how to navigate it without losing your soul.

The False Binary

At different periods (and on different social networks), I stopped having experiences and started having posts. That’s when I knew something was broken.

Here’s what I saw when I took a step back:

I maintained multiple versions of myself. The professional one on LinkedIn. The witty (or catty) one on Twitter. The aesthetic one on Instagram. Each demanded different performances.

The psychological toll?

• You can lose track of which version is actually you.
• You change behaviour. When outrage posts get 10x engagement, you have an algorithm rewarded your pain. You start behaving like that more often.
• You feel gross. Your struggles aren’t content. Your breakfast isn’t profound. Not everything needs to be shared.

The Medici Method

The Medici family didn’t conquer Italy in the traditional sense. They didn’t have the biggest army or the most gold. They had something better: intentional influence through selective patronage.

They funded Michelangelo not because they loved art, but because art shaped culture. They created intellectual salons not for fun, but to control information flow. Every “gift” was strategic. Every relationship calculated.

Modern builders can do the same thing. They don’t need to share everything - they can share what serves their mission. Naval doesn’t tweet his grocery lists. He tweets frameworks. Paul Graham doesn’t document his daily routine. He writes essays that reshape how we think.

This isn’t deception. It’s intention. I’m now trying to share only what teaches. My consulting inquiries have tripled. It’s values-aligned curation!

Writing as Mirror

“If you’re thinking without writing, you only think you’re thinking.” - Leslie Lamport

Graham nailed it: writing isn’t communication, it’s thinking. When you write, you can’t hide behind vague feelings or half-formed ideas. The blank page forces clarity.

Here’s the difference between documentation and performance:

• Documentation: “Had coffee, worked on product, team meeting at 2”
• Performance: “Morning fuel ☕ Crushing product goals 💪 Syncing with my amazing team!”
• Real writing: “The feature isn’t working because we misunderstood the problem.”

The first is boring. The second is fake. The third is useful.

I write every day. Not for an audience - for clarity. These sessions reveal what I actually think versus what I think I should think. When that clarity emerges, sometimes I share it. Most times I don’t.

Your online presence should be the overflow of your thinking, not the substitute for it.

The Way Forward

So just stop trying to be authentic™. The word has been corrupted beyond usefulness.

Focus instead on being intentional, such as intentionally consistent with your values. If you value teaching, teach. If you value building, share builds. If you value privacy, keep things private.

The split-screen existence - where your external success masks internal emptiness - happens when you optimize for metrics instead of meaning. The solution isn’t more authenticity. It’s more intention.

This week, I hope this essay pops into your mind when you’re looking at one of your social profiles. Ask yourself: Does this reflect who I am, or who I think others want me to be?

Delete accordingly.

Inspired by:

• Stop Comparing Yourself to People on the Internet
• What the Renaissance Taught Me About Leverage
• Writes and Write-Nots